Heart of Darkness

Skender was suddenly trembling with anger. He needed to leave. Rising from his seat he just walked away leaving her behind.

“Wait! Your… I mean… Alexander!”

He froze in place unsure of what he had heard. Slowly he turned around and found her flinched and shrunken where she stood with eyes displaying fear. She had just called him by his name, so she had every right to be fearful.

“My apologies.” She hurried to say rubbing her hands together in a nervous manner.

Skender had wished to hear his name from her lips but not like this. Not in a fearful manner. It didn’t sound the same. What was he trying to do? Unless he decided to make her his queen, she couldn’t call him by his name. Never. That would be as stupid as coming here to steal.

He would have to send her away before anyone found out about her disguise or he would have to compel a lot of people to save her life, if that even worked. No one was going to take her disguise lightly.

“As soon as this trip ends, I am sending you away.” He said.

Her eyes widened. “Where, Your Majesty?”

Somewhere far, he thought. He would give her something of high value and send her away to find her family and lead a good life.

“You will know when the time comes.” He said and turned around to walk back to the tents.

Roxana followed him hesitantly, her head filled with troubling thoughts but he couldn’t listen to her now. His head was also filled with his own troubled thoughts. He knew the destroyer would interfere with his plans to send her away, so he needed to convince him it was the best decision before her departure.

Coming out of the woods with Roxana only made the few guards at the fire speculate even more, but Skender didn’t care. Soon she would be gone and one day he would have to get married to produce an heir. He wanted to laugh at that. Demons couldn’t conceive easily.

The guards watched him as he led Roxana to his tent. He couldn’t let her sleep amongst the guards and expose her disguise despite the fact that she seemed to be doing well. This confused her after his outrage but again, he didn’t care. All of this would end soon.

He tossed his boots aside and went to lay down, facing away from her. She was hesitant and took her time to lay beside him, slowly turning away from him as well.

Desire didn’t trouble him this night. It was pain, sorrow, and worry. Maybe even hatred. Knowing that he was fated to be with a human, knowing that she was his mate, knowing that he was struggling with his feelings, none of that helped. Because in the end, she was human. Just like Ramona was. And he was no ordinary demon, so even if Roxana was exceptional who would she love? The defender? The destroyer? The sloth? The king? That was if she could even digest the fact of everything that he was. He was too many things and people always just saw one or the other and the man beneath was forgotten.

He closed his eyes, with heaviness in his heart. That night he was plagued by dreams of Ramona and his parents. He arrived at the home where he grew up and as he walked through the gates he found Ramona and Constantine holding each other in the garden. The shade drew her closer and kissed her and whispered something in her ear that made her laugh.

She rarely laughed and she had told him he was the only one who could make her laugh. That was a lie too. Ignoring them he walked to the front door and entered his home. In the parlor, his parents were fighting again. Strange how he never remembered their fights. Only the good times but now he could recall them all and they were always about him.

“He is no good. We came together to produce a defender and you brought a destroyer to our home.” His mother said.

Skender shook his head. His mother loved him.

“You knew everything. Don’t blame it on me.”

“Your love affair destroyed the son we could have.”

Could have? Skender took a step back, his eyes welling with tears.

“We have a son.” His father said but his mother was too angry. There was clear resentment in her eyes and Skender wasn’t sure toward who. It couldn’t be him. She had always been so loving toward him.

His mother shook his head. “You ruined his life. You ruined your son.” She told his father.

Now, he wasn’t even her son anymore.

Skender turned on his heels and ran upstairs to his room. He shut the door behind him and as he turned around he found himself in front of his parent’s graves.

They were dead. He looked at his hands. They were covered in blood and soil.

His grandmother who gave him his name stood in the far distance, looking at him with a disappointed look. She shook her head at him and then her lips moved. He couldn’t hear what she was saying but he knew somehow.

“You are no defender. You are a curse to our bloodline.”

A curse? He was no good. He was hated. Unwanted.

“Grandma!” She was the only one he had left. She couldn’t leave him now but she did.

“Grandma! Grandma!”

“Your Majesty!” A voice shook him awake and he shot his eyes open. Tears blurred his vision but he could see the bright golden hair and as the tears fell down his temples he could see those teal blue eyes as well. They watched him with concern.

“It was only a nightmare.” She assured him with her soft husky voice and foreign accent.

Skender sat up startled. A nightmare. That felt very real. His parents were dead and his mother… he drew in a sharp pained breath and tears burned his eyes again.

A small hand gently stroked his back, like his mother used to do. “It is alright.” She whispered but that only made him more emotional. His heart tightened and his lungs pained from choking on his breath.

Roxana was on her knees beside him. He hated this. He wanted her gone but he couldn’t speak.

“I will bring you water.” She said and stood up to leave.

Skender was thankful she left but he could still not breathe properly. His hair was damp with sweat and his cheeks wet with tears. He wiped them away and noticed his trembling hand.

His parents. He had seen their dead bodies when he had never seen such a thing before. He had buried them just like he buried Ramona. Buried bodies that were treated badly and his hands had known blood and soil that day. Nothing was more terrifying than holding the cold and lifeless body of people you loved.

Roxana came back with water. She poured it over a piece of clothes and came to sit on her knees in front of him. “May I?” She said reaching for his face just like he had done when tending to her wounds.

Gently she washed away his tears and sweat and the cold damp cloth felt good against his burning skin. A part of him wanted to slap her hand away and another part wanted to lean in and rest his head on her shoulder. But he did none of that. He just closed his eyes blocking away everything. Roxana gently removed the hair from his face and tucked it behind his ear and before he could think, he slapped her hand away out of sheer reflex.

The cloth flew out of her hand and her eyes widened in shock. Her mouth opened releasing a breath before trembling to speak. “I-I am sorry.” She said standing up, then she ran out of the tent.

Skender sat frozen in place. What had he done? He was never one to be aggressive. He sighed feeling his head throb. Maybe it was for the best. Maybe now she would escape.

********

Roxana hurried into the woods, her heart beating in her ears. She was not one to let people hurt her, but now her heart was pained. Why? He had every right to react the way he did. What was she thinking doing that? That was an intimate gesture but she had only wanted to care for him. Seeing him like that had made her want to hold him close.

God. She must have lost her mind. She couldn’t be feeling this way about him. She barely knew the man.

With a groan, she went and sat on the trunk of a tree that had broken and fallen down. What was she supposed to do now?

Roxana remembered his sad face. While asleep a frown had settled on his face first and then it twisted in pain. His lips had parted and he said something in foraging language. Tears streamed down his temples before he began to call his grandmother.

What language was that? She knew many languages. If he was from somewhere else, how did he become king? It was said that the previous king was his uncle. Not his father. He lost his parents at a very young age. Roxana put her hand on her chest which suddenly squeezed. Losing parents, she did not want to experience. Her only fear was to never seeing her parents. To find out that they were… they were… She shook her head unable to even think the thought.

Alexander must have been alone all this time. Maybe his grandmother left him as well. How did he lose his parents?

A sudden movement in the woods made her look around. Oh no. She didn’t have her weapons. She jumped down from where she sat, “who is there?”

A strong wind blew causing the leaves to lift from the ground and then a woman transformed in front of her. She held her hands out at the side as if to announce her arrival in a… dramatic way. Or maybe not. Looking at her, she certainly deserved a magnificent entry.

Roxana blinked a few times. She didn’t know whether to be shocked by the way she arrived or the way she looked. Bright emerald eyes twinkled behind thick dark lashes. A face sculpted with edges to cut and red lushes lips curved into a smile. Her hair was like a dark river flowing down in waves to her waist and her long slender body was encased in a tightly fitted, strange-looking black dress.

“Good morning,” she greeted.

Roxana watched her carefully. “Who are you?”

The woman took a step forward and Roxana instinctively stepped back. “Oh, dear. Do not fret. I am here to help.”

“I don’t know you.”

“But I know you. Your mother used to tell you stories about monsters, ghosts, spirits, fairies, and alike and you believed in such. Did you not?”

“I was a child and… how do you know?”

“Well, you can say I am one of those.”

Roxana was thoughtful for a while. She always told herself not to believe such things but deep down she did. “Really? But such things shouldn’t exist. I mean I know some exist but… which one are you?”

The woman shrugged. “I think you can put me in the monster category.”

“You do not look like a monster to me,” Roxana said.

The woman smiled.

“How do you know me? Did you know my mother?”

“No. I only know you.”

“How?”

“Through… prediction. You are destined to be with an old man.”

Not again! Did she know the fortune teller?

“I won’t be with any old man,” Roxana spoke. Wait! Then she knew she was a woman as well. Of course.

“Then who do you wish to be with?” The woman asked.

“No one.”

“Oh, dear.” The woman stepped forward and looked deep into her eyes. “Take a moment to think deeply. If you could wish to be with any man and nothing could stand between you two, who would you wish to be with?”

Alexander.

She stiffened at the thought.

“Alexander?”

Roxana gasped. “Do the spirits talk to you as well?”

The woman chuckled. “No. I can hear your thoughts.”

Impossible.

“Possible.” The woman replied to her thoughts.

“Oh, lord! How… how can you?”

“That is a long story. Now, you wish to be with Alexander. What stops you?”

Roxana sighed. “You already see. I am supposed to be a man.”

The woman leaned back looking thoughtful.

“And what I truly wish is to find my parents. The rest is just…”

“Not as important?”

“Yes.”

The woman remained quiet for a moment. “You don’t want him badly enough. Yet.” She spoke more to herself.

Yet?

She paced a little before turning to her. “Are you still planning to steal?” She asked.

Oh no. This woman really knew everything. What was she and why was she here?

“You should make haste before they find out about your identity.”

“I know,” Roxana said her shoulders dropping in defeat. “I don’t even know if I should steal anymore. I should perhaps just leave”

“Why?”

“Well, I thought the king would be a young spoiled royal but he is very perceptive and… ” dangerous. She sighed. “It is not as easy as I thought. It is dangerous now and I don’t want to die. Yet.”

“You put yourself in a difficult position.” The woman pointed.

Roxana nodded.

“What will you do if they find out?”

Roxana shivered. “What can I do? I will be tortured and killed.”

“Then you should make a great plan for when you get caught.”

“What could possibly save me? I will become a traitor.”

“If you get caught, you could say you disguised to be near the king.”

Roxana was confused. How was that supposed to save her?

“Because you love him. And well, you would die happy because at least you were able to spend some time with him. The King is a romantic man.”

That was stupid. Not romantic.

“Who likes men.”

“I am not sure about that.” She said.

He did not like men?

“Are you suggesting otherwise because he acts…”She stopped herself. She wasn’t supposed to say that. Why was she still talking to this strange woman?

“If you are talking about the fact that he seems to like you then think twice. Men are drawn to you even when you disguise yourself because even though they believe you are a man, they do somehow sense that you are a woman.”

Roxana knew that was true. Some men were drawn to her despite her disguise because she was still very much feminine in many ways.

“Just think of Lord Quintus and the way he looks at you. I can assure you he likes women.”

Right. She didn’t think about that.

“Wait. Why are you helping me?”

The woman laughed. “I am not helping you, My dear. I am helping someone else who is very stubborn. And…” She stepped even closer. “You and I never spoke. I never helped you. It was all thoughts in your head that you came up with. Also, you and I never met.” She said and then vanished.

Roxana shook her head to stop herself from thinking too much. God, how many plans she came up with. She could see things a bit clearer now. She was never one to give up so she should indeed make a plan if she got caught.

And Alexander… if he liked her as a man, then perhaps, just perhaps he would spare her if he ever found out she was a woman. But that would be a gamble and she would rather not gamble with her life. This would only be the last way out if she was caught before she could escape. Now, she would have to get through this trip, and then as soon as she went back home, she would pack with Fanny and leave.