Re: Level 100 Farmer

Li looked at Sylvie, at how her hazy red eyes seemed to glimmer, suspended in a tense space between care and caution. Care at how much she wanted to help Li, and caution because she knew nothing of him. For all she knew, she had just opened herself up to an even stronger rejection than before, but despite that, she wanted to help.

"I\'ll admit it was wrong of me to keep thinking in terms of you wanting to use me," said Li. He leaned his back against the room\'s wooden wall, his head tilting up a little as he went into remembering.

"Alright, as an apology, I\'ll explain what I meant, and with it, what I remember about my past. And yes, I do remember some things, but don\'t expect any vivid details. I\'m not lying when I say none of it will help you."

Li caught Sylvie perk up, her face brightening and her breath catching in her throat. She had obviously expected to have her offer to help decline again. In a way, it had been. There was no real honest way he could answer her. He had no true memories of a past in this world, but at the least, he could tell her what he meant when he gave her advice.

"I don\'t like to give advice about things when I myself haven\'t experienced it. It feels empty otherwise, like throwing out a meaningless platitude the same way so many people told me \'It\'ll get better\' when my parents passed despite never having faced the same kind of loss." Li did not sound bitter. His voice was neutral, merely remembering, almost lecturing.

Sylvie nodded. "Yet you wished to give me advice. Then you understand what it feels like? To give all your pieces away so that others can be whole?"

Li arched a brow. She did not try neither to console him nor pry about mentioning his parents\' death. Despite how curious she usually was, she did have tact.

"In a way," said Li. "I\'ll tell you about my parents. Their memories, at the least, I will never forget, no matter how many ages pass or how I change. I sacrificed everything for them. I spent the height of my youth studying and working and studying and working every hour of the day, late into every night until there were sometimes where the dark just blended into the morning without me even realizing."

Li did not give any specifics about his past. He knew that none of it would be helpful to Sylvie because it had happened in a different world, but at the least, it would let her understand his state of mind, and with it, perhaps she would come to know that he wasn\'t the type of person she should be wasting her time seeing as someone more than a friend.

"When I could have been making lifelong friends or finding love like everyone around me, I worked so that I could make them proud."

"And do you regret that?" said Sylvie. She sat on the open chest, balancing expertly along its thin edge.

Li shook his head. "Of course not. I willingly sacrificed myself because I knew they had sacrificed themselves, their time, their life, their health, everything, for me. If I had another take at my life, I would change nothing. I truly appreciated them, and I would give everything for them again. But I am not an idealist either.

I knew what it cost me. When my parents grew ill, I was still a young man. But I hated to see how the world had become. How so many people my age around me just threw their parents away, boarded them up or conveniently forgot about them. I could never do that, so I took them under my own roof when they couldn\'t move and they coughed up more blood than air. 

Any free time I had, it was spent on making sure they were living out the last chapters of their lives with as much comfort as they could. Where others were out drinking with their friends or making their dreams come true, I gave it all up so that when my parents passed, they could go with a smile.

All the wealth I had, I couldn\'t spend it on anything, and I never even thought to, because what was money in front of making sure that my loved ones were happy?

Which brings me to my point."

Li crossed his arms and nodded to Sylvie. "When my parents did pass, I was nothing. I realized I had spent so many years living for them that I had no idea how to live for myself. I had filled my life with taking care of them, and when they were gone, there was nothing, just a mass of unrealized dreams and confusion.

When you have that kind of hole in your chest, you try and fill it up with whatever you can. I had money, so I did whatever I could, buying up the newest, most expensive, shiniest little trinkets, drinking, women, you name it, I did it. But the pieces you throw out are unique. You can never get them back or buy new ones that are exactly the same.

You\'ll always be hollow."

Sylvie paused, taking the words in. "And you believe me on the same path?"

"Maybe." Li shrugged. When he looked at Sylvie or Jeanne, he saw them almost like children in need of guidance. This was a somewhat new feeling, and probably associated with the fact that it seemed like divine entities here were guiding forces. "Depends on how you decide to live your life. I just wanted to explain my words and give you a little piece of my past, just as you wanted. I figured this was a way to do both at the same time."

"Practical." She nodded in approval before smiling at Li. "I…feel that I understand you better now. Before, I did not have the faintest idea what kind of person you were, but this does give me perspective. Firstly, you are quite a bit older than I thought. Yet, I have to say, you do not look like a broken man, Li. You act and think with purpose."

"I figure that\'s because I\'ve fulfilled my dreams," said Li.

"And that is a quiet life, perhaps? On the farm? That would explain why you wish for nothing more."

"You\'ve got the gist of it."

Sylvie straightened her posture, confidence beginning to wreath her form. "Then you need not worry about me. Just as you have become whole again with a dream, I have dreams of my own. Even should I give away all of myself, I will always have my dream, and that is a piece of myself that cannot ever flee me."

Li looked into Sylvie\'s eyes and saw straight determination, the hands once shyly held together now straight at her sides. "You wanted to get stronger to help your family, right? I\'ll tell you right now that wanting to help your family isn\'t a dream for yourself, even if it feels fulfilling at the time. You\'re following exactly in my footsteps."

Sylvie shook her head. "No, that is my duty, but my dream is simpler." Her eyes twinkled with her trademark curiosity again. "It is to explore the world and see every little piece of it for myself. First, the wondrous East, then the strange South, then the fiery Western lands, then perhaps at the very end, I will travel to the northern end of the world."

"I see. Then what\'s stopping you?"

"Because when I do decide to travel the world, I wish to see it in its best state, with as little pain and misery as possible. How can I abandon everything to a fanciful dream when I know that I could have changed the very world I wish to admire for the better?" Sylvie sighed. "I am much more an idealist than you, I am afraid."

She waited for Li to say something, but he did not. Though she probably could not tell, it wasn\'t because he felt like being silent. It was because he was thinking about what she had said. About having a duty to be a steward to the world.

"Well, let us hurry back to the ceremony," she said to break the silence, turning back to the chest and retrieving several scrolls and ragged leather-bound texts that she carefully placed inside a bag at her waist.

Valery drove them back to the square, and by now, the crowd had settled into a relatively orderly gathering around the upraised square. Li and Sylvie, their senses both sharp, managed to see the whole thing from the back of the crowd.

Atop the platform where famous bards would normally play to raving crowds, there was instead quite the picturesque and royal scene. There was Jeanne kneeling, her eyes closed as the duchess gracefully slung a ruby-red metal fashioned into the shape of a tongue of flame across the hero\'s neck.

Sunstar stood beside the duchess, Old Thane nearby. Li narrowed his eyes to see Old Thane so near the solar hero, but he suppressed an urge to do anything unreasonable. Old Thane had one of the largest smiles Li had seen on him at the moment, and he didn\'t want to ruin the moment either.

A pop, and clouds of falling petals materialized above the square, conjured up by a royal band of musicians and mages lined up at the back. The musicians played a fanfare of trumpets, and the crowd cheered and whistled in honor of their new gold-ranked adventurer and hero.

The duchess bid Jeanne to rise up and took her hand, pulling her gently to face the crowd. The duchess waved, and Jeanne followed her.

Then the duchess led Jeanne away to the back of the square. The band broke their formation without stopping the music, allowing the two to take the stairs down and out of sight for the crowd.

"Something\'s not right," said Sylvie.

Li gave her a questioning look.

"I know when she\'s genuinely happy." Sylvie furrowed her brows. "She was forcing herself to smile there. I\'m going to try and meet her."

Li looked over to Old Thane now alone with Sunstar. "I\'ll go pick the old man up, then."