Heart of Darkness

Roxana hummed a melody on her way back home, forgetting about the pain in her leg and all the troubles she was in. What on earth had just happened? Who was that man? Hair like silk, skin like satin, eyes like jewels, and lips like rose petals. He even smelled good. Like mint and masculinity.

"Oh," she shivered. She must have lost her mind under the water.

For a moment she thought she had died and gone to heaven. Only an angel could look like that. But she was a thief. Heaven was no place for her.

Once she reached the dock, where she stayed with her companion Fanny in an old abandoned ship, she went inside. Roxana had met Fanny during her journey to finding her parents and sister. They had become friends quickly and later she found out that she was a he. Yes, he dressed like a woman and that was when the idea of dressing like a man hit her. Now she lived as both Rox and Roxana. And sometimes she even became other personalities when needed.

Fanny came rushing when she walked inside. "Where have you been woman? You had me worried and… oh god!" He took notice of her torn and wet dress.

She tore a piece of it and used it to tie branches around her leg to give it some support. Otherwise, she wouldn\'t have reached home before the sun rose again.

"What happened to you?"

"It is a long story that I am willing to share? in detail." She sighed softly remembering those blue eyes. "But I need to change first and do we have some food?"

"Go change! I prepare something to eat."

Roxana could see that Fanny was annoyed. He feared for her life and told her to stop this dangerous business many times blaming himself for teaching her all of this. The disguise, the lies, the theft. Together they had been through a lot. Deceiving people, being caught, running away again and so they had managed to live so far. But now they were getting tired. Both of them wanted something decent but things got in the way all the time.

Sliding into a pair of trousers and a shirt she went to find Fanny. He had made fish soup and Roxana grabbed the old chair to sit down at the table. It made a creaking sound crying for help and the table wobbled.

Roxana grimaced in pain as she sat down. Her knee had become red and swollen.

Fanny tossed her a piece of bread, across the table before sitting down. "Speak now!" He said.

"You should toss away that temper of yours instead. You will get old too soon." She told him, picking up the bread and dipping a piece into the soup.

"My hair is already turning gray from worry."

"Don\'t worry, my dear. I have twelve lives. They told that to my parents when I was born."

"Don\'t tell me you believe in fortune tellers?" he shook his head. "What did you do to your leg?"

"Well, Connor has found me and he even told Ulric about it. I convinced Connor. I don\'t know what to do about Ulric."

"He is dangerous."

"I am sure he has a weakness. I just need to find it."

"His weakness is money. Do you have any?"

Roxana remembered the gold button that the beautiful stranger gave her. She pulled it out of her pocket and put it on the table. Fanny picked it up and examined it. "Where did you get this from?"

"Is it real?"

"Wait." He said. He went and brought a jug of water. He dropped the button in the water and they watched it sink. "I think it is." He said.

"Oh my," the man didn\'t deceive her. He was indeed an angel.

"Where did you get it from?" Fanny asked.

She shrieked inside with excitement. "I was running away from Ulric. I jumped into a river to get away, injured my leg so I couldn\'t swim back. I drowned but when I woke up this beautiful man had saved me and he gave me this button." She spoke fast.

Fanny looked at her with disbelief. "What kind of man just gives his gold away?"

Both Fanny and Roxana had learned that rich people were the least generous ones. "I don\'t know." She said. "But he was no ordinary man."

"What do you mean?"

She knew he would roll his eyes soon but she still decided to tell him of those eyes and lips and that perfectly carved face. "Oh," She sighed resting her face in her hands with a silly smile.

"Oh Lord, heavenly father. You must have hit your head in the process." He said.

"Maybe. I wouldn\'t mind falling again." She would have believed it was all in her head if she didn\'t have the golden button as evidence of their meeting.

"I know all the Lords in this town. Except for the lord of the manor, who turned from a beast to a beauty according to tales, I haven\'t seen anyone with a striking face."

"You have seen Lord Rayven?"

"Yes. Both he and his wife have unforgettable faces."

"I doubt it is anything near what I have seen today." She said.

"Which makes me wonder who you met. Did he give you his name?"

"Alexander." She said.

"Alexander?" He became thoughtful. "I know of no Lord called Alexander."

"Maybe he is from another town."

"Or maybe he is a thief like us," Fanny said.

Roxana chuckled while shaking her head. "No, no. He smelled like someone who bathed every day. He had the most perfect skin and hair as if he was royalty."

"So you met King Alexander?" Fanny joked. "Imagine if you did?"

Right. The king\'s name was Alexander but he was out of the equation. What would the king do alone near the river and even risk his life to save her?

"He was absolutely mesmerizing. I wish you could have seen him." Roxana said knowing no one would understand just how beautiful she meant before they saw him with their own eyes. It was like finding a rare stone.

"Alright, then we should sell this button to repay Ulric," Fanny said ignoring her statement. She was ignoring him too, thinking back of the stranger until his words sunk in.

"No!" Roxana called. "I mean, it is valuable. We shouldn\'t sell it so easily. I will find a way to repay Ulric but I am not selling this."

Fanny rolled his eyes. "Don\'t tell me you want to keep it because of that man."

"Oh no, never! I just want to keep it in case of a situation where there is no other solution at all."

Fanny raised a brow but said nothing. He gave her the button and continued to eat with a shake of his head. Roxana quickly finished her food and then went to bed. Her whole body ached from the strain it went through, but it was mostly her leg that pained her and kept her awake. The only way she could distract herself from the pain was to think of Alexander. What a rare jewel. She was like a thief who had seen a mountain of gold. Only this time, she was the one robbed.

As her thoughts were filled with the memories of the day, she eventually fell asleep.

When the morning came, she decided to be Rox for the day. Those who knew her thought Rox was her brother. Roxana knew she couldn\'t keep lying forever, but she didn\'t intend to stay in this town for too long. Once she found her family, she would go somewhere no one knew her and start a new decent life. It saddened her somehow. She had gotten to know very good people the few months that she had stayed here. She would miss them.

"Uncle Benedict!" She waved at one of the very good people she had gotten to know. Benedict was an old man, a fisher in the morning and a seller in the afternoon. He sold his fish under a tent.

"Rox. I haven\'t seen you for a while. Come here!" He waved for her to come.

Roxana went to see what he had to show her. He pulled a paper from his pocket and opened it with shaking hands. "Look! They are looking to train future guards. You should apply for it. The salary is very good. You have been looking for a job."

Roxana chuckled. "Uncle Ben. How can I be a royal guard?"

"You are small, but I have seen you fight. You are quick and not bad with the sword."

"But these are royal guards. Being good is not enough." She could swing a sword but she would barely call herself skilled. She could perhaps just save herself.

The old man slapped her arm gently. "Don\'t be stubborn. You will learn the rest. You can\'t keep living like this. You will get old before you realize. You will end up in a tent selling fish for the rest of your life like me."

Roxana felt sad for the old man.

"Here!" He took her hand and places the paper in it. "Apply for this."

Roxana nodded, not wanting to disappoint him.

Uncle Benedict began to prepare to sell his fish. He cut off the head and threw it away.

"Don\'t throw it," she said and went to pick them up. "Where I come from, you eat the fish head as well."

"We don\'t do that here," He said.

"Maybe it is time. You will earn more money."

"No one is going to buy it."

"I will be able to sell it." She told him. "Lend me your desk."

She grabbed a stool. "Here. Sit down and rest while I make fish heads famous."

The old man shook his head at her with a smile. "Take that confidence with you when you apply for the job." He continued to nag her about it. He wouldn\'t let it go so easily.

Roxana cleaned the desk and then placed the fish in the most appealing way. Then she stepped outside to attract some customers. "Alright, alright! Come and buy the formula to maintain a youthful appearance. Did you know the magic of fish head soup? My Lady, may I?" She stopped a few ladies coming by. "Have you ever tried making fish head soup."

The woman shook her head with disgust. "Oh, I thought that was the reason for your fresh youthful look." A slight blush colored her cheeks. "I hope I didn\'t offend you with my honesty."

She shook her head. "Not at all."

"Where I come from, the kingdom of Ella, all the ladies look ten years younger. They eat a lot of soup with fish heads. Even the men get skin as soft as a woman\'s. That is why people here think I look a bit like a woman." Roxana chuckled and the ladies joined her.

"You do indeed. Your skin looks so soft." One of them said looking closer.

"Thank you, My Lady. While staying here I try to consume less soup to look more manly."

They chuckled again.

Roxana grabbed one of the heads and held it in display. "You know they say, consuming fish head also makes you produce less body and facial hair."

Their eyes widened. "It does?"

"It does indeed. Just look at me."

"Oh," They looked at each other and then back at her. "I will take one," one of them said.

"Then I will see you one day younger tomorrow." Roxana flirted. The lady gave her a subtle smile. "Men around you will be in trouble."

"What is your name?" Now they were becoming curious.

"Rox, My Lady."

"Rocks?"

"Yes." Whatever.

As she packed one head the other three ladies decided to buy as well. When they left, Benedict looked at her with an amused look. "How will you sell to the men?" He was curious.

Roxana accepted the challenge.

"Did you know that fish head helps with your stamina? You will feel stronger and last longer. But you don\'t look like you need it.? Do you only wish to buy fish?"

The man became thoughtful. "Does it really help?"

"Well, it works for me every time." She whispered leaning closer.

"He is quite famous among the ladies," Uncle Benedict added.

The man was convinced. "I will take two," he said.

Roxana wrapped it for him and after he left, he sent a few men her way.

Oh, men. "Do you want the magic formula?"

The men nodded.

"Buy the fish with it. It will help you stay solid too. I will give you a discount the first time."

"Wrap it solidly for me Rocks!" The man said adding her name to the joke.

"Well now you know where I get my name," She winked.

Soon she emptied the desk and counted the coins. "Here! You made a lot of money today," she said handing the pouch with coins to Benedict.

He opened it and took out a few coins before giving back the pouch. "You earned it." he said.

"No. I can\'t take this. I don\'t need it." She tried to give it back but he held her hands in his.

"I only need what will buy me food. I am old. I could die tomorrow. I don\'t need this much money. Take it." He said.

"Uncle Ben. You have consumed fish your whole life. Death hates the smell of fish. You have a long life ahead. You could even get married again."

He chuckled shaking his head. "This tongue of yours will either save you or get you killed."

"I eat fish too." She reminded. She pushed the pouch into his hands. "Alright, I have to leave now. Go home and have some fish head soup."

With pain in her leg, Roxana hurried away before he could stop her. He was the most stubborn man she had ever met.

As she put her hands in her pocket, she came in contact with a paper. She grabbed it and pulled it out. It was the application that Uncle Benedict gave her. Opening the letter, she looked at the part of the salary she would get once she became a Royal Guard. The offer enticed her but this was too risky. If she got caught, it would end very badly. But then she thought of the endless possibilities and opportunities to steal something valuable from the castle.

No! Dangerous. You can\'t do that, a part of her brain said.

You can! You will leave this place soon anyway. You can\'t keep living like this. Steal something of high value once and then run away and live comfortably with your family, another part argued.

Ugh. Two sides of her head fought. But whatever decision she made, she couldn\'t apply now with her injured leg.. She would need to recover first.