Ihoujin, Dungeon ni Moguru

Chapter 99: Honey And Elixir III & IV

<Honey And Elixir III>

Lutz-san was still in that strange state.

She must have been holding a lot in until now. That would explain her strange behavior.

The place they lived in was a small inn at the end of an alleyway.

The inn was a repurposed traditional home that was run by an elderly couple. These people had turned the place into a hoarder house.

「This is terrible」

That was Lanseal\'s impression, and I had to agree with her.

Because of the statue protruding out of the building, the windows on the second floor were left open and the front door on the first floor was only partially closed. A quick peek showed that junk was piled up wall to wall inside.

Lutz-san and the Gunmerrys, who were inside the inn at the moment, had lined up their unwanted items along the narrow alleyway leading to the inn, taking up half of the passageway. It was a bother, but the neighborhood kids had gathered around out of curiosity.

「I\'ll go help them. Souya, it\'s not safe, so stay here with Misuranika-sama, alright? Please don\'t follow any strangers. And don\'t take any food from them either, okay?」

「Yeah, yeah」

My mind is still that of an adult\'s, you know?

Lanseal rolled up her sleeves and marched into the messy house.

I sat down at the corner of a flower bed with Misuranika-sama in my arms.

「Can I pet your cat?」

「Sure」

A dog-like beastkin girl started petting Misuranika-sama.

The other kids made a fuss and followed suit.

Misuranika-sama was very popular with the kids.

After that, I played soldiers with the kids using the junk lining the alleyway.

I wore a pot as a helmet and used a rolling pin as my sword. My partner was a fat Hemu boy who equipped himself with two door panels in a double shield style.

This was how we fought.

First of all, I would charge out ahead of him

Once I had the enemy\'s attention, I would retreat to the fatso and he would stop all the enemies. Once they stopped moving, I would surround the enemies with my other allies and wipe them out.

It was the birth of a great duo.

We buried many of our enemies with our amazing teamwork.

The problem we had was that the enemy forces would be revived all at once through magic. As they were revived as soon as they were defeated, there was no end to it.

Perhaps they found it troublesome midway through the game, but everyone would revive before the girl playing the magician could even cast the magic.

Also, we were divided into two camps for the fight, but the enemy sowed discord among us and a civil war broke out.

It looked like it was going to become a horrific three-way battle, but since everyone was revived immediately, it turned out to be rather tedious instead.

Everyone got bored of it, so we switched to playing tag.

Everyone tossed the junk they were equipped with wherever they pleased.

My hair was stuck to the crud at the bottom of the pot and I had trouble getting it off. Seeing that, the fatso gave me a hand in removing it.

According to the local rules, since I was the slowest to remove my equipment, I was "it".

「I\'m gonna start counting～」

『Okay!』

I started the count at ten.

Mixed in among the kids running away were a cat and a Gunmerry.

The rest of the Gunmerrys are still cleaning, so this one is probably the lazy one. I guess this one is like those ants that don\'t work.[1]

「Nine～, eight～, seven～, six～」

I counted slowly.

A few of the kids were smirking as they peeked at me from the corner of the alley.

I\'ve found you.

「Fourthreetwo, one!」

Dash!

「Oh, that\'s cheating~!」

「That\'s not fair~!」

I touched all three of them.

By the way, the game of tag is played in Lemuria with a zombie rule in which the people touched also became it.

This game is officially known as “vampire tag”.

Six of us went after the fatso.

We attacked the fatso as he tried to protect the beastkin girl.

「Oh, this guy, he\'s trying to act cool」

「That\'s not true」

The fatso got embarrassed when he was teased.

No one looked that annoyed by it though

「Guoo!」

『Garrrrrrrr!』

Those who were it acted just like vampires and bared their fangs at the rest of the humans.

While splashing through muddy water, sliding down moss-strewn stairs, jostling, and laughing with one another, we raced through the dungeon of back alleys.

The only one left at the end was the Gunmerry.

It was so quick that it was pretty hard to catch. We hadn\'t caught Misuranika-sama either, but everyone didn\'t seem to be counting the cat as a participant.

Five of us pounced on it at the same time, but the Gunmerry slipped between us and managed to escape.

And then……

「Haha, hehehe」

……it taunted us, who had fallen flat on our faces.

This piece of………

The kids\' fighting spirit was ignited.

But however, we\'ll need to keep our cool here in order to prevail.

「Strategy! Meeting~!」

Everyone gathered together.

First, the ones who knew the layout of the area well drew us maps. We dug out some rags and charcoal among the junk and used those for the maps.

We also gathered some tools for setting up traps and put the right people in the appropriate places.

They all listened to my instructions carefully.

I could swear that the Gunmerry had participated in the strategy meeting as well, but I didn’t let that bother me.

「Operation! Start~!」

Flourishing the rolling pin, I directed the others.

Kids’ Regiment VS Lazy Gunmerry.

Start!

『GUOOOO~!』

We yelled as we chased after the Gunmerry.

This one is fast at running away, but since it\'s not really taking us seriously, it doesn\'t run off far enough that we lose sight of it. It keeps itself a fixed distance away from us, but when someone falls down and stops, it comes closer to check on that person out of concern.

While we were patiently chasing it, another team was setting up a trap.

Also, I had the rearguards of my team split off and go on ahead. They would burst out of corners, scaring the Gunmerry and steering it towards where we wanted it to go.

The chase went on and on, and the place we finally arrived at was where it had all started.

In that narrow alleyway, more junk had been piled up as the cleaning progressed, forming a small hill.

「Now~!」

On my signal, the trap was sprung. The small hill crashed down on the Gunmerry.

To top it off, the kids also dove in to crush it from above.

Our team, who had joined up, also dove in.

「Ouch, ouch」

We were all covered in junk. We had gotten dirty and hurt, but we didn\'t care.

「I\'ve caught it~!」

The fatso held up the Gunmerry\'s helmet.

「Hmm?」

What\'s inside it?

「………………Huh?」

『Huh?』

I raised my voice and everyone else followed suit.

Before our eyes was a headless Gunmerry that was groping around for its helmet.

『GYAAAaaaaa!』

The kids scattered all at once.

I also ran away with them.

The headless Gunmerry came chasing after us!

The fatso was still holding its helmet in his hands, so I snatched it from him and threw it away.

We scattered as we fled, but the ones who got along somehow ended up flocking together.

The girl who first petted Misuranika-sama, the fatso, and me.

Cowering in a corner of an alley, it was our turn to hide from the pursuing Gunmerry.

We kept the sound of our breathing down and when we heard the clanking of its helmet, we held our breaths.

The clanking of the helmet faded into the distance.

But we didn\'t dare relax yet.

It felt like the Gunmerry would appear and come eat us the instant we let our guard down.

Just thinking of that made my body tremble.

However, that fear was drowned out by the tolling of a bell.

Before I knew it, it was already dusk.

This ringing of the bell signaled the coming of night. The time for kids was at an end. Soon, it would be the time for drunken adults.

「Oh, I have to go home now or Mama will be mad」

「Me too, or I\'ll get scolded by the priestess」

Time flies so fast when having fun.

The two of them waved and then turned to leave.

「See you again~!」

When the fatso called out……

「Oh. ………See you again!」

……I answered that in spite of myself.

The girl also waved at me with a smile before disappearing from sight.

In the alleyway, it was just me by myself.

No……

「It\'s good to play with kids once in a while」

……there was one cat.

With the cat that rubbed herself on my leg, I headed back the way I came.

「Souya, did you have fun?」

「Yup!」

「Are you going to play with those kids again tomorrow?」

「………I don\'t know」

「Do you want to?」

「………Yup」

「Listen, Souya」

The cat stepped in front of me.

Then turned to face me.

Her golden eyes gleamed as she barred my way.

「The bonds you\'ve lost cannot be restored, but you can make new ones. By doing that, you can live in a world where there are no beasts or curses. Fortunately, there are many beside you who are from a race for which time is different. They will likely be there to watch over you while you grow up. There is more than one way to find happiness. At the very least, there will be less bloodshed on that path than there is right now」

It’s a very loving suggestion from my god.

Here, in this world, I’ll play and grow up with the kids from today, and then, some day, I\'ll explore the dungeon again.

It will not be the adventure of a foreigner.

It will be the adventure of an inhabitant of this world.

The grown-up fatso will carry a large shield, the beastkin girl will cast magic enchantingly, and I’ll fight with a sword in my hand.

The elven sisters will likely be there to support us.

Day after day of breathtaking adventures.

I won\'t be made to dance at someone else\'s tune. I\'ll have my own will, freedom, hopes, and dreams. A true adventure will unfold before me.

That\'s a nice dream.

However……

「That isn\'t going to happen. It’s a decision I made as a man, so I\'ll continue down the path I set out on. It’s not as sweet as honey, but it\'s worth fighting for. It’s worthwhile enough for me to lay my life on the line for」

She smiled, her eyes narrowing like a beast\'s.

This is who I am.

I\'m a person who cannot be saved.

At the same time, I awoke from the dream of the alleyway.

It was a short dream. It was a fun dream.

「I see. In that case, I won\'t say anything more」

Closing her golden eyes, my god walked off, her hips and tail swaying.

I chased after the alleyway cat that I couldn\'t catch up to before. In this fantastical place tinged with a rosy flush.

There was just one question that I had swallowed back.

Misuranika-sama, was our meeting a coincidence? Or was it……

「Souya! Where have you been?!」

I got scolded by Lanseal upon meeting up with her.

「I was playing with everyone」

「Oh my, you got yourself so dirty」

It was no wonder as I had run about in wet alleyways and dived into a sea of junk.

The combat uniform I had on, which was borrowed from Maria, was a mess. My hair was also sopping wet.

「We\'ve cleaned up the place to some extent. We haven\'t found any special elixirs yet, but the end of the cleaning is in sight, so we\'ll pick up where we left off tomorrow」

Lanseal patted me on the head.

「Before we go back, let\'s go take a bath」

………Perhaps it would be better to stay as a child after all.

<Honey And Elixir IV>

While we were using it, the maids who worked in the castle also came in. Apparently, it was customary for them to take a quick bath to clean themselves of the dirt from cleaning before they prepared dinner.

Naturally, I caught their interest.

「Wow, so cute. Whose child is this? Lanseal, is he yours?」

「Yes, that\'s right. He\'s me and Souya\'s love child」

Before I could even say, "Hey, wait a minute," I was mobbed by many naked women.

「Your hair is black. Is it from your father?」

「Which parts of him resemble Lanseal?」

「The profile of his face, maybe?」

「Hehe, I\'ll pinch his cheeks~」

I was extremely popular.

I was so popular! That was the first time in my life that I’ve been this popular! It makes me want to cry. I think I may have used up my entire life\'s worth of luck with women today.

I\'ll say it for the record.

In the baths of the alternate world, there was paradise.

Paradise~, but the rush of excitement at seeing the women\'s bodies coupled with the temperature of the hot water made my consciousness fade away―――――――and when I came to, I found myself on Lanseal\'s back.

I opened my eyes to a darkened plain.

Refreshed, we returned to the camp.

「Dear, welcome back」

「I’m back~」

Rana greeted me while Ea only gave me a quick glance.

They were both sitting at the table drinking tea. Makina was in the middle of preparing dinner.

「Rana, Ea, did you have any luck?」

It was Rana who answered Lanseal’s question first.

「I tried to gather information by threatening my schoolmate, but with little success」

「What about you, Ea?」

「Hmm~, I found a couple of stalls that sell delicious food. Three of them」

「Right, you didn’t stay on task, did you?」

「Urghh」

My sister seemed mortified. Even though she had gotten distracted by food……

「I’ve found the cure」

A smug Lanseal puffed out her chest.

I climbed down from her back for now. It was comfortable on her back, but the stares of the sisters hurt.

Rana\'s eyes met mine.

She patted her lap and beckoned for me to come over.

I was about to go over to her when Lanseal grabbed my hand.

「?」

What?

「Tomorrow, I\'ll get my hands on the elixir that will cure Souya\'s transformation into a child. This is my accomplishment. It\'s natural for accomplishments to be rewarded. Right, Souya?」

「Ye, yeah」

I nodded.

「Then I demand as my reward a night alone with Souya in my bed」

「What?!」

Rana rose from her seat in anger.

「Hang on! Lanseal! That\'s too big of a reward! That’s unfair, it\'s a rip-off!」

「Calm down. There’s no way I would do anything to Souya when he\'s still a child」

Rana grabbed my hand.

This situation where each of my hands was held by both of them gave me a very bad feeling.

I had witnessed someone else in this exact same situation very recently.

「Huh, it\'s the smell of soap. Dear? And Lanseal too? Wait a minute, what did you guys do in the city?!」

「No, Rana. We bathed in the castle. Because I got dirty playing」

「Don\'t worry, the other maids were there as well」

「That\'s even more worrying! What sort of game were you playing?」

After paradise was a scene of carnage.

Is this what they call paradise lost? I guess not.

「Besides, Rana, you slept with Souya last night, didn\'t you?! At least let me have him for one night!」

「We\'re husband and wife, you know? It was quite novel, so I slept really well!」

Both of them were pulling rather vigorously.

This isn’t good, in a child\'s body, this could be fatal.

「E, Ea, help」

I turned to my sister for help.

「In Onii-chan\'s country, there are such sayings. You had it coming, you got what you deserved, and playing with women is like playing with fire. This is a good opportunity for you to properly settle all of the problems you\'ve had with women till now. Ganbare[2]」

Can’t you do something about this catastrophic situation first?!

「Makina!」

『Makina needs to keep an eye on the pot, so please leave it for later~』

Fucー!

「Yukikaze!」

『Yukikaze has an idea. It solved the problem the other day』

「Really?!」

The mini-pod at my hip offered a brilliant suggestion……

『The winner of the tug-of-war will be the one who gets to share a bed with team member Souya tonight』

Not! That didn\'t solve the problem, it only eliminated the problem the requestor asked us to solve!

Fighting spirit ignited in Rana and Lanseal\'s eyes.

With great force, both of them――

「Gy――」

I started to let out a shriek in advance.

It\'s going to come out.

My joints are definitely going to pop out.

If I returned to my adult form, the injury would disappear, or maybe I wouldn\'t get injured at all, but that\'s not going to happen, is it? I suppose this is fate. This must be my punishment for taking a bath with lots of naked women. If I think about it in that way, I guess it\'s a small price to pay.

My flesh was pulled taut and my bones made a loud sound.

Yeah, I\'m going to be on break from the adventuring business for a while.

「Look at him, he\'s just a child! Even if he\'s the idiotic man you fell in love with, he\'s only a child right now! Is hurting a child something that any woman should do?!」

Misuranika-sama, in the form of a young girl, had flown off the handle.

I had never seen my carefree god this angry before.

A feeling I couldn\'t quite identify and the fact that I had escaped from a critical situation overwhelmed me, and I reflexively……

「Mama~!」

……screamed and grabbed Misuranika-sama in a hug.

「Alright, alright, that must have been scary」

「Uwaaaa!」

I was scared. I was super scared.

I thought my arms were going to be ripped off. Women are scary!

「Umm, well, Misuranika-sama, but you see――」

「No excuses!」

A shattering sound interrupted Lanseal\'s excuse.

「Gyaaa! It\'s so bitter~~!」

She screamed.

「Rana, this is no way for the first wife to behave! I\'ve been wondering this for some time now, but for how long are you going to act like a little girl?! If you consider yourself his wife, then act like it! No matter how many women your husband has around him, it\'s only because of you that he\'s allowed to do that in the first place, so proudly puff out that unnecessarily large chest of yours! You have no backbone at all! ………What do you have to say for yourself?」

「Umm………I don\'t quite understand」

I heard the sound of an object cutting through the wind, which was followed by a shattering sound.

「Hyaaa! It\'s so bitter~~!」

When I turned around, I saw that the two of them had been drenched in the elixir, or rather, had it thrown at their heads, and had fainted from the agony.

Misuranika-sama, she\'s so strong.

「By the way, Souya, do you have anything to say to me?」

「Umm, nothing in particular」

「To begin with, you\'re the cause of all this. Reflect on your actions!」

The last thing I saw was Misuranika-sama holding up an elixir of a different color.

An impact to the top of my head sent my consciousness into the darkness.

For some reason, I was enveloped by the smell of honey.

Yeah, I was made painfully aware that god is equally unreasonable to everyone.

Distantly, I saw a dream where everyone was being lectured by a black young girl.

[1] Many studies have been performed on this, but when scientists investigated ant colonies, they found that around 25% of the ants don’t actually do anything all day. And some studies that marked all the ants they were studying uniquely so that they could differentiate them individually have even shown that it’s not as if they are resting or on shifts as it’s the same few ants that are doing nothing consistently. So the general meaning of the saying based on this is that in every kind of population or organization, even for ants who are said to be industrious, there will always be a few who are just slackers.

[2] That means “Good luck”. I left it that way because Ea says that one phrase in “Japanese”, the language of the modern world. Also, the words that are italicized after this one are in “English”.

Well, it’s pretty evident, but I’ll mention that III is one of the most vital chapters in the early part of this story that tells and sets up a lot of stuff. I’m sure you’ve realized, but Misuranika-sama knows. She is aware of the cost of her power. And she tried to offer Souya an out. An alternative path. And then, the author quickly tried to distract us by dangling the bath scene in front of us.

So I’ll take this opportunity to ask you, the reader, to consider something. What exactly is the price Souya pays? What precisely is it that gets burned up like fuel in exchange for power? Have you been blinded by the obvious and missed something glaring that can look the same but is totally different? Well, it’s food for thought. As always, the hints will become bigger and bigger as time goes on if you didn’t get by this chapter...

Well, on to IV then. I love how Souya’s previous misdeed came back to bite him in the ass in such a magnificently ironic fashion. I laughed so hard. Also, poor Frey……

Well, that wraps up this arc. The final arc of this volume is up next. Stay tuned!